Memories of the daily Dew

The menory of nothingness.

2009-01-13T20:30:00.003+08:00

Life is such a mystery and ironically predictable.
I knew i would end up in such a place, and was warned and advised, yet i still held on to the hope that things may be different. There may at least be some form of hope. But after everything, I'm stuck in this mess i stepped into. Its like a stain, that once you stepped on, no matter how much you try to clean it away, it will never truly be gone. Its irritable, and pisses me off.

Why? Why? Why? Why this posting, why this job, why stay-in? Can't i just serve my time peacefully and leave? Why create so much transitions for me? This is one truly screwed up organization.

I tried. I tried to tell you today that i know and realize that you change because there was still hope, that everything could be worked out, that you still bothered, no matter how little. That i appreciate and thank you for it. That you bothered to change, though how we stumble each time, you still bothered to change. I don't know why we quarrel so much, i want that to end. I want to love and be everything you ever dream of. But, everything you keep inside, feelings and thoughts you refused to share. Till one day we exploded. We took turns. I want it to stop, i want to be able to tell you things, without any of us being upset, affected by it. To be a real couple and say things that pop into our minds, to be the best of friends as well, like how we are with our closest buddies, where speaking our mind and shooting out thoughts and random stuff are first nature.

But...
Nothing goes as planned.
That was what i wanted to make clear, that i appreciate you, and will change, together, to be what we dream of.

In The Blink Of An Eye

2009-01-05T21:13:00.001+08:00

Here we go on, as i dawn the uniform, fueling hatred and death everywhere it is seen. A war to upkeep peace is just a pathetic attempt of an excuse. Servicing the weapons and machines of destruction. Its not like we ourselves aren't destructive enough.

Where is my release, my freedom, my secret place to escape from the mess? Can't i just draw a face on the mirror and let it take my place?

Things around are seemingly getting more and more less bright. Trees are losing its green, the sky is losing its blue, its turning a single shade, from the infinite shades i used to see.

Slowly, i'm turning into a socio-robot, confined to regimentation of the daily necessities.

2008-09-21T21:31:00.000+08:00

Im Sick of how Life Sucks!

2008-09-13T18:03:00.003+08:00

XOXO.

2008-08-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

I did the most self sacrificial thing on our anniversary.

And i'm glad i did it.

2008-07-20T05:07:00.002+08:00

The depression of life gets to us all the time. At noon, at day-break, even now, 5am as i type. Oh thoughts oh thoughts how i struggle from letting you go astray, yet i can't help but want to think that of which i want not. I see what i see, but why does my eyes see a different thing? What are the feelings and thoughts that i encounter so alive and surround me? I tried. Get out, how i tried and failed each time.

The world is a screwed up and sad place to live in. Moral values mean less than a penny, words much less. Moral compasses so far deviated that one knows not where is due North. Is giving up what we believe and stand for all there is as we are bombarded with things that make us stray? Temptation so glaring that we can't help but succumb helpless to its grasp? Its not what i trust or not in you, its what i do not trust in this world, the circumstances and position and situation and surroundings that push us, shaking what we thought was what we believed in. The relationships we build, is at risk of everything that this world has positioned us in. Please oh please, change this world. For I don't know how to walk this path down. This world is depressing.

See no evil. Think no evil... I wish I could.

2008-07-17T20:57:00.003+08:00

Thoughts of today:

I guess its inevitable that when 2 intelligent people get together, disagreements happen. Either one side has to take the step and accept each others view points and back off. I choose to, because what it shows is, 'this is how much i love you, that i am willing to back off and swallow everything just to make it better again.' Oh humans are such complicated creatures. Things have got to start changing and it starts from me. I know my problems and i guess its better i start, rather than wait for either one to take the initiative. After all, love is forgetting self and putting your other before you. Oh how people pose that a girl should never expect a guy to change for her, well i beg to differ. Change may seem impossible, but accommodating and not being self-centered is what it gives to be in love. Like always, love is basically not being selfish. The thought of selling it sends chills down me, the look of fishes.

And, i saw this quote in someone's email signature, 'wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.' An irony that it actually came from the person who doesn't practice it. I guess we should all mind what we speak, after all humans aren't feelingless mammals.

Work just makes me sick, the delinquent center day job is no fun. Work is defined differently for each person. To a regular, its pushing to NSF and sign from a desk, and to us, its taking it and getting the shit down, no matter how ugly and messed up it is. Oh why can't i push the work back to them? Arrows aren't jokes. =(

2008-07-15T03:29:00.001+08:00

My grace is sufficient for the day.

keynote: day means day.

update soon.

2008-04-07T22:45:00.002+08:00

anyone going to the USA??????
need help!! rar!

everyday all that keeps me going is your smile and how you light up my life.
-my love

2008-03-17T21:27:00.002+08:00

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved
Yet you choose to be
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet Are too big for me to hide
Yet you choose to beon the side of meon the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go

Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth
'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me

What a mystery
You're on the side of me
'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you

2008-01-10T00:09:00.001+08:00

i'll be enlisting tmr...10jan.

i'll miss you too..but i'll be out in 2 weeks!=)

smile and cheer up!!!...=)

i'll nvr let go!=)

2007-12-28T17:41:00.000+08:00

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy,
when skies are grey.
you'll never know dear,
how much i love you.
please dont take my sunshine away.

2007-12-25T14:01:00.000+08:00

all i want for christmas is you you YOU!!
all i want for christmas is my dearest baby!!
=)

2007-12-17T13:44:00.000+08:00

sadness has just become my new best friend again....

2007-12-12T02:05:00.000+08:00

ok...blogging now

yea past few days has been ok i guess. raining wad else. besides that, went airport ytd. saw the A380 docked there. didnt really seem as impressive as the photos showed. ohwell.. rain rain go away, many many things i want to do that could do without the rain.. hmm..

little little time left..-.-

hmm.im startin to feel sad...goin in soon.
but i cant be...if nt i cant cheer you up, to say its ok.
ok =)

2007-11-26T22:12:00.000+08:00

went to ikea today..goodness the food...speechless..im gonna go there often i guess. with the ikea friends card nonetheless.

i should really exercise..ok shall start by playing badminton more. its hard to get 4 ppl though. anyone wanna join?? ran today though..god i cant even complete a lap in the desired time. all the sitting down n studying has made us grown weak. shall be healthy now...

oh gosh, 1 month or thereabout left before i go in lah. this sucks so much can. where we get brainwashed into thinking the country's the best in the world..opps.
so much to do, so little time..im packing my room now. god theres heck lot of Alevel stuff to pack lah. gt boxes to stuff them in though. so hopefully they'll look slightly neater..

and....spend time with a special someone who went with me to ikea to gt boxes, gt so tired so many times goin out with me, that hasnt gt a day to actually slack at home. i love spending time with you...

2007-11-23T21:03:00.000+08:00

oh time passes so fast....
where do i get to press the pause button?

i love you

2007-11-21T14:24:00.001+08:00

oh would u bother to stab me again?
i'll really appreciate it.

day 1 checked.

2007-11-18T19:43:00.000+08:00

rar..aft 4 days....finally!! heh...
yay yay yay *jumps around*

ok last paper's physics. tue..aft tue..its lk oh gosh no more studying for awhile.

everything's ok now. forget the bad stuff......=)

4 1 18 4 1 18 , 9 13 9 19 19 25 15 25 =)

i'll be waiting for the day u tell me you've done it k?=) lalala

2007-11-08T16:40:00.000+08:00

The worst thing is when one stands watching.
As his life is ruined right in front.
Walks away and go on to live another day.

If its too much to ask.
im sorry i asked or even thought about it.
Im sorry there was no time.
never had, is not, and will never have time for me.
obligations are such fake things.
forcing a mask over everything.
when will what you think and really want to say and do ever come out.
or was i just hoping for something that was not there.

this life sucks

2007-10-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

i'd wish i had the power some ppl have.
making strangers feel so comfortable around them,
without doing anything at all.
i guess im nt blessed with that.
all i can do is make people run away.
and just keep quiet.

2007-10-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

Memories we hold,
in time all will be forgotten.
An imprint though,
when all turns grey,
will still be left untouched.

save me from this life that i so badly wanna get out of.
this dream i have, shattered n torn.

2007-09-30T14:32:00.001+08:00

i miss you 99% of the time.
the last 1% is spent sleeping while awake.

2007-09-27T14:56:00.001+08:00

this is the part where i make my closing statement and the scene fades.
while we wait for life to throw another block at us.
the conditioning of the human mind.
i wonder when will it ever change.

2007-09-27T10:37:00.000+08:00

play loud music to drown out the noises im hearing.
show me a light to blind the things i am seeing.
shoot my heart so i wont feel a thing.

2007-09-27T00:36:00.001+08:00

this life is unfair n jam packed with people that just piss u off on a daily basis.
oh please let me be a vegetable and sleep my life away

2007-09-27T00:16:00.000+08:00

The controversies and stupidness of everyday life just doesnt fail to bring us to our best huh. like how the claim is that 'oh the school brings together different students' bullshit. how is it then that the people from acsi or acsbr or mgs tends to form the oh-so-elite and upper class while the rest just, exists. oh please tell me why mrs kelvina. why is it that everyday day students and teachers are spouting total bullshit propaganda of how good the school and its teachers are, when they are clearly not? if the bloody teachers are oh so good, why is it then that us students feel like we dont belong to the school? like er ac-spirit. to me that is a whole lot of crap that fakes a sense of belonging in students to the school so they can reach deep into their pockets to fund stupid things which do no benefit to the large majority of students. oh like so we're supposed to bear your total hoax of this 'acjc is your family, your teachers are like your parents'. a whole lot of bullshit. go bathe in your own lies and deception please, stop attempting to cloud our minds with your clever play and use of words that i cannot begin to describe how much i despise. i dont buy your crap, others can and will, im sorry i just dont see the point you have. if your teachers are truely so great and magnificient as proclaimed, why am i writing this then?

i pity the people who gets their position from discriminating others. stripped of all your egos, you're just bone and flesh. mayb even without a thing called a ethics.
getting an award for class representative just goes to show how desperate to get an award some people are.

since you keep saying no, let me paint you a picture that i have witnessed soso many many times,
person1 person2 you person3 person4 person5
so that guy walks in, late...walks up n tells you to move one seat down cos he wants to sit there.
then it becomes,
person1 person2 guy you person3 person4 person5
when there are like plenty of empty seats at both ends. hmmmmm. and so this is so not obvious. and like he DOESNT make it his personal will and duty to sit or be beside you whenever possible. hmm..tts strange..i must be blind then..cos i was hardly 3 rows behind..wow. i didnt know i had that kind of disability. mayb i should admit myself to IMH. stop not believeing me and keep sayin no...i have eyes. i dont have to hear to know whats going on. u cant tell but its so obvious. how much clearer can i paint to you before you actually see that everytime i see this, practically because its not only once, i feel so damn fucked up. oh hell...why do i even bother.

2007-09-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

i wished i could see into the future.
too bad i cant cos if i do, i'd avoid everything that will ruin my life.
wished i had fore-sight so i can aviod danger.
sixth sense so i can sense everything bad and not do things to cause it.
a third eye so i can see things and run far far away from it.
two extra legs so i can run even faster from all my problems.
two extra hands so i can dash even faster away from everything.
no brains at all so i cant think about my problems.
no eyes so i cant see the things i dont want to.
no mouth so i wont say any stupid things that will hurt others.
no ears so i cant hear things that will hurt me and awful things
no skin so i wont feel the pain when a cut is made.
no nose so i cant breathe and wont live to experience stupid stuff.

life's just not fair i guess.
how is it that one after another problems start slamming into your face.
when all is said and done,
jus pretend everything's ok and,
another day of show and tell about how wonderful my life is.

i wanna look at a crystal ball and see what other things instore for me
oh crystal ball where are you.
please tell me whether im goin to make it out alive?

day after day, when you say what i am,
yet i dont get that feeling,
maybe its what you say,
maybe its your actions,
i just dont feel or see how important i am.
im sorry, im starting to doubt the things you said all these time.
all these years, were you just lying
or was those just words?

2007-08-10T08:56:00.000+08:00

just as life goes,
everything has to end,
sometime before the sun rises,
somehow it just disappears.
it seems a mystery,
causality that is.
another day passes,
i start to ponder.
low down here in this lonely Earth,
over all the universe,
vertical and horizontal plains,
every creature and animal,
young and old,
overcoming this mystery called life, maybe,
U and i, arent so different after all.

2007-08-05T20:52:00.000+08:00

Look into my eyes,
and you will see,
what you mean to me.
you know its true, everything i do,
i do it for you.

study!1 week to prelims. I hate countdowns. =(
i'd wish time culd stop sometimes.

duck n monkey=)

2007-07-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

Matthew West, The Day Before You

I had all but given up on finding the one that I could fall into.
On the day before you.
I was ready to settle for less than love and not much more.
There was no such thing as a dream come true.
But that was on the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing.
Suddenly life means so much.
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and find out this promise is true.
I will never have to go back to the day before you

In your eyes,
I see forever and it makes me wish that my life never knew the day before you.
Oh, but heaven knows those years without you,
were shaping my heart for the day that I found you.
And if you're the reason for all I've been through,
then I'm thankful for the day before you

ok wanted to put this song but cant find=X so i found another one..now playing is History by Matthew West too.

2007-07-21T09:50:00.000+08:00

oh its raining now, in the morning! =)
*thinkin of me??*
haha. somehow i can see a ray of sunlight from the storm tt's in my heart.
yess, the rainy day's goin to be over soon. then'll come a bright n sunny day.
i'd be holding up my umbrella till then. cos it'll have to die down soon enough.
a smile is what i get, a smile is what i give in return.
my dear, =)

2007-07-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

week has been ok i guess, normal ups n downs of a typical person i guess. yupp.
somehow i want sch to tend, and i dun wan sch to end at e same time. mixed feelings. like how u want to wanna stay in the cold, but its too cold n u're shivering? ok thats me. know life has unpredictability and it doesnt help things. cos i want it to stay like this. i dun ever want it to change for the worse. sigh if only we culd really stop time. if life was simple, i'd be happier cos its jus me and the person i want to be with. nothing else. too bad life aint tt simple. all i can do is to keep it simple. ok blabbering nonsense alrdy. yupp..why does time have to pass so quickly when i want it to stop, n pass soo slowly when i want it to accelerate (eg in phy lessons) yupp..mysteries of life. -cos i want to stay like this forever-

i miss you. =(

2007-07-18T17:44:00.000+08:00

im sad, so im SLEEPING!
saw smth tt didnt exactly made me smile....

2007-07-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

heh...found these images..seems to describe wad im feeling now..*hints* hahas

2007-07-14T23:57:00.000+08:00

dear Lord, i pray that i will be a beacon of light in the darkness. for You and You alone. Amen.

if we're filled with living hope,
we're gonna overflow.
and if God's love's burning in our hearts,
we're gonna blow,
there's no way to keep it inside.

2007-07-14T00:02:00.000+08:00

Like the rain that falls into the sea,
in a moment what has been is lost,
in what will be.

today is friday the 13th. ytd rather. its time everyone's afraid of me. today i slacked in pe. jus sat while the others played. squeezing my little yellow stress ball. ok sch life's sad, mundane and boring. so shant mention anything abt it. yupp. emotional rollercoaster the past wk but its over. i think what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, or so they say. And as usual ki lessons was depressing. talked abt how everything we know is based on assumptions that are highly questionable n ultimately we know nth etc etc etc. how cheerful huh.(sacarstic) yupp. AND i also ate 1 meal a day. dunoe why my hands doesnt wanna cooperate with my mouth. one doesnt wanna touch food, e other doesnt wanna open n chew. at this rate i'll be a skinny monkey. hmm isnt it good? im sleeping much too. the bed's my "next to kin" alrdy.

another ditch in the road,
you keep moving.
another stop sign,
you keep moving on.

Ps: lets climb hills to the top! may we reach the peak soon n stay there.

2007-07-04T00:12:00.000+08:00

School just has one word stuck with it, boringstupidwasteoftime. yupp a pretty long word. hope i can get through with no glitch? *crosses fingers*

this aching is familiar,
its something i remember.
you can't touch without feeling,
you can't heal without healing.
only the young could fall so hard,
can be so careless and ignore the scars.
even when one moves without the other,
different pages from the same story.
say you'll move out of the way this time,
making our own for each other.
one without the other.
we're in this life together,
even when one moves the other.
we are broken,
but we are moving still,
a thousand different ways.

2007-06-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

home?? where's that?

2007-06-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

-dont cry for me,
because crying'll only make it worse.
the sky's grey,
but the sun'll shine one day.
time ticks by,
as the feeling slowly fades.
slowly but surely,
we become a part of this rhyme.-

2007-06-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

1 more day before school starts. this is suck an unenjoyable countdown. hmm. jus ended tuition. i feel so accomplished can, revised so much of chem, like half of J1s topics=) yupp. i should start on my own too. ok i should start nerding and mugging. cos i dun wanna lose to those idiotical people in my class. tsk. the only reason why scholars exist is because there are ordinary students like us around. thats what makes u APPEAR smarter. thats all. if not you;d just be an ORDINARY student. wait...so how does that make you feel? being called below your sstandard? or maybe its just you nerd more than us normal people? hmm..i wonder how many screws are actually loose in your head...hmm..lets count shall we..hmm, more like everything??

With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you

2007-06-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

BORING! school starts in like what, 2days? really not looking forward to it. AND im getting tired so easily la. am i getting old? NOOO nt so fast. i still wanna enjoy ny youth, or whats left of it.....i hope. 10 years in a day? hmm seems that way. ok i learnt a new way of calling someone dumb - how can anyone be so stupid and still breathe? - see..its a intellectual way of saying - how freaking dumb can u get la - ok this is really useless. see this is how boring i can get at times. ....OK fine, most of the time. lameness and people saying *huh?* are lk a common thing around me when i talk. its a bad thing know. ok talking crap agn.

pls invent a machine to travel back in time so i can relive the moment over and over?
impossibility is a word conjugated by the brain as an excuse for not trying.
hence, EVERYTHING's impossible to me now.
-really slow not to get it-

2007-06-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

Leave Out All The Rest Linkin Park

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taking my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through I
've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

2007-06-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

its late. should be sleeping already but who cares, erm the mornings still young?
ok eventful past week. firstly shrek3. super cute la. all the baby dragon-donkeys flying around, plus the humour...impossible to stop laughin. then friday went for concert. met ppl i knew (ex-know). haven met them in years. and it was nice n superb. yupp very tired week oso. dunoe why i sleep alot suddenly.ohmy im getting old. old man syndrome.. tsk tts nt good. time's passing so so quickly. i tink i should start really seriously study? guilt setting in? ok, cannot cannot. it should be a passion and not a chore, a want not a need. hmm. strive strive jason.

ok so many things goin through my mind, and i dun really feel like typing and allowing everyone to read. well not everyone la. thoughts are electrical impulses converted to chemicals then back into electrical which makes lots of changes to the brain, affecting a person to feel and do things that one would otherwise not do. yupp thoughts are powerful hmmm. ok i should really exercise and sweat all these thoughts out. yupp

carrying this burden i picked up.
the guilt eats from the inside,
my chance for redemption's come and gone.

oh i should be happy.....
though im suffering from the -fill in the blank- withdrawal syndrome.
theres a happy side to school starting??

2007-06-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

A man once said, those who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day..

Yupp, 1 week of holidays gone, just like that la. tsk...i should really start on my work, be a hardworkin boy. and i should really stop eating junk food. kinda unhealthy i guess. yes yes, mid year resolutions. everydays pretty much the same, wake up late, looks around, eat then waste time. yup, should really fit studying somewhr inbetween. rar i wish i'd hafta go back to sch more, so i at least get forced to study. this is so so so not working for me. hmm..library? coffeebean/starbucks? mac? nah mac cannot. junk food. ok i shall start hanging out at places that force me to study. ha.

yupp time to catch some sleep alrdy.
'whats knowledge if you dont use it?'

2007-05-30T23:48:00.001+08:00

heyy..
didnt do anything productive today=( like the first week is almost gone so fast can. rar. i've gotta start work! yupp i should. anyways cant wait to watch shrek3 heh..the donkeys so hilarious. always loved him...yupp goin overseas tmr..yupp back on sun.
=)

pS: i'll miss you! take care too kie....i'd be back to msg u soon! heh

2007-05-28T19:57:00.000+08:00

it the start of the holidays officially! after my chinese exams. yupp paper was ok i guess.
sat went back to school for maths retest and i tink im goin to fail. yupp after that went gym thn played soccer where i ***** the notice board glass. like omg! guess i hafta pay for it. like when everyone heard about it, they laughed real bad la. and of all ppl a hockey boy, whom the soccer guys arent really on good terms with. after went to queensway to eat and buy stuff. eventful saturday.

ohohoh the chinese paper had this one passage that talks about an old man who was trying to find a PERFECT girl to marry. Till the day his teeth were loose and his haird grey, he was still unmarried. Then on his deathbed a doctor asked him why wasnt he married, he sighed and told him that he once say this girl who i think he liked. But he didnt go after her because he thought he could find a better one, besides she was also looking for that PERFECT guy to marry. Then there was a second part where it was about a boy who wanted to pick a perfect seashell by the sea. He walked and threw the seashells he picked up as they were jus not nice at all. Till he picked up this one seashell that was less than perfect but was the nicest he saw. But he decided to throw it away because he thought he could find a better one. To make a long story short, he walked and walked till the end of the beach with both hands empty. He then turned back to find that 'nicest' seashell he found earlier. kinda makes me wonder about things, how do you know when to stop searching for that perfect thing? till ur death? there'll always be something better than the one u alrdy have. the never ending search will only end up barren i guess. yupp so many thoughts through my head as i did the paper. the past, the present and the future. i guess we only learn from experience. past mistakes shall lay the foundation for a better tomorrow?

oh may my holidays be fruitful....
I Love BearBear

2007-05-25T21:51:00.000+08:00

its the start of the holidays and i just had to start it off with a test tmr! like wth la seriously. think im nt gonna study and jus fail. im really not in the mood to study la. really. stupid day to put a test. yepp went up stage to giv our 4th placing plage to the principle today. followed by her announcing a half day..totally rocks la.yupp and our holidays start. and i went to school for physics only cos our ki teacher din come! so jus stared at bee hoon with her shirt that looked like rags cos it was pink n white vertical and horizontal stripes.yupp..

thurs went to delta to collect our medals. after that went to fich n co with the team and we totally crashed the place. ok im tired...sniffing alrdy. i tink im starting to get sick?? sharks. lard filled toad....ha nonsense.

2007-05-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

okie long long time.almost a month? yup
seasons over and we got fourth. at least huh. loads of stuff happened which i dun really want to type it all out. (too long see) holidays are coming! time to catch up on chemistry and other subjects. yupp. hopefully i can go through everything once before the holidays end. plus my IS to do. busy busy life. anyway i watched spiderman 3 twice! second time was bcos i wanted to see the super ultra clear $4k projector on loan from sony. anddd....it is super clear. like you can practically see the pores of the people. hmm.

i wanna go eat ice-cream and drink coffee! not a really good combination but who cares. yupp. hit the books and drown in coffee. heh.

ohoh i saw this on tv!
homer simpson: press any key to start..
*pause*
homer simpson agn: where's the any key????

ohmy so hilarious la. okie i better start doin quantum physics tutorial before bee hoon gets so angry she'll pluck her eyebrows agn. haha!
-out!

ps: dun forget to smile!

2007-04-28T20:27:00.000+08:00

ok i cant remember much that happened in the week. cos im sleeping through i most of the time. ok backtrack alil.

Sat: training (hitting session). missed class outing(if there was one) cos i cant stand em. so i'll probably sit most of the time...

Fri : school. school. boring phy lesson where they showed how a emitter of photons is seen in a diffraction grating. total darkness where i slpt cos it was the perfect condition for it. went to watch the girls play. they drew with MI 1 all. aft tt stayed awhile for the VJC n PJC match. omg the VJ girls play like they're guys la. their positioning/skill/ball control/speed is like surpassing pj's la. so much gap btwn em. aft tt went home to sleep!

thurs: the big ac vs rj match. we were like all so ready to play it la. even in the sports com when we had our team talk, we were all like hyped out to take em for a run for their money alrdy. like everyone had this in their mind : if we're gonna lose, we hit em as hard as possible before goin out etc. aft tt we went to delta to warm up. pj guys had their match against acs(i) jus before us. then it was time for us to play. wasnt in the starting 11 though. nvm i'll work on tt. yupp..thn we let in 1 goal at lk 10 mins. aft tt i went in at abt 20 mins... thn ran n ran n ran. totally covered like a whole half la. cos had too harrass them n force em to pass as well as to defend oso. super tirin. stupid nj ppl.came to see whether we lost as badly as em (they lost 6-0) cos we were tied. if we let in more thn 6 goals, we're out. thn aft tt half time. thn coach was the usual shoutin scolding kind. aft went back in to start second half. we totally defended like mad la. unlike NJ we didnt overload 10 men into the D. we stopped em at the halfway line. their strategy was to crowd the D la. ours was more spread. yupp. we held on very well and in the end we lost only 1-0. like omg we did it la. we are through to the quarter round! yea...aft the first goal, nj was silent alrdy. cos we gave em no opportunity to cheer rj. cos we held em so well!. aft tt went to cut hair n meet the team at far east whr we ate n talked alot of crap.

wed : stupid sports meet la! a total waste of time. luckily i brought my laptop n sat at the void deck n played with it. if nt i'd be rottin away.

tue : bought C&C3 with david! omg the game is like so totally nice! and damn its hard to play! go C&C!! i love the whole series.

Mon : typical day.mon chapel...slpt! dunoe what he was talkin abt too!

yupp life blues.
time is all that one can call their own..

2007-04-22T21:00:00.000+08:00

Today I watched in silence
As people passed me by.
And I strained to see if
There was something hidden
In their eyes.
But they all looked back
At me as if to say,
"Life just goes on"
The old familiar story,
Told in different ways.
Make the most of your own journey
From the cradle to the grave.
Dream your dreams tomorrow
Because today life must go on.

yupp. im in the middle of writing a ki essay. i cant see the point of typing more to take a breather. anyways life has just been kinda screwed up. things arent exactly going well, needless to say as planned. mental fatigue is really building up. emotions arising, tensions building up. lucky i DO NOT have to spend any of my time in ssp. its 'stupid study program'. note the stupid in place of self..... time is not something i have the luxury of. nevermind that, at least i can eat honey stars! chomp away my frustrations. and also lucky thing i had a 'mom' to look after me. although shes younger than me by at least 6 months. thanks for bringing me the umbrella like on friday k.reeeeally appreciate it. n so sorry that ur shoe gt wet. but mine too wads!

dift off to a distant dream.
when love takes you in.
then everything changes.
a miracle starts.
with a beat of a heart.
when love takes you home.
and says you belong here.
loneliness ends.
and a new life begins.
when love takes you in.....

2007-04-05T13:51:00.000+08:00

i cleared my terms offically! no ssp. i passed ki! got 19/30 though. but i passed! and i passed napha too! silver! failed to get gold cos of standing broad jump....in which i only managed to get a D. i needed a C in everything la. but heyy no more pe lessons for now! yehh i goin for trainin later and aft tt dinner! i guess i kinda met my expectations for terms and many other stuff.. couldnt ask for more.

After everythings said and done, as dust settles, Man professing to be wise turned out to be fools instead. Futilityof war never seems to get into the mind.

=)

2007-03-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

firstly i passed my terms! like no ssp at all. i've met my target, ohmy im like so so so happy. and we're taking napha early, cos of our season. training day after day after day after day. like if im not running, im at the pitch practicing, if not thn i'll be doing some crazy physocomoto workout to test your reaction agility etc etc. yupp like since the end of last term 4 we had this new 'physical coach' who goes totally mad with our physical. hes like an administration staff who knows how to play hockey and also was a physicl instructor in army so its like an added benefit. and best of all hes fun to be with. and most of the time gives reeally stupid comments or replys like when i asked him if he'd dyed his hair, he went 'you colourblind?' like totally -.- but really funny. ok rantings aside, i must really study after the season. but yet i cant seem to get chem stuff out of my mind, stuff like nucleophilic substitution, electrophilic addiditon, O-H bond, phenol, acidity strength of alcohols, phenols and carboxylic acids. really really weird. i guess i memorised them too well. reagents and all. KMnO4 in dil H2SO4 reflux for oxidation. KMnO4 in dil NaOH to make aldehydes to acids then add Na2CO3 to test for the acid. ohmy la! whats up with alcoholic NaOH for elimination and aqueous NaOH for hydrolysis.........

ok chem chucked away, i hope i pass ki though. thats the only paper i haven gotten back. the topic was : since knowledge is absolute, therefore anything that is relative and changing is not true. something like that. wrote about mathematics, how it was objective and universal etc. hope its ok though. ha! yupp. mundane week again, apart for the few times when ppl ard me went hyper and i got dragged down together with them. like how i just went around acting like the heros in 300, keeping on saying 'this is sparta. no defeat no surrender etc.' hahas. all because of one person starting the sparta thingy. hmm.

life seems brighter?

2007-03-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

the past can never harm me as long as i keep it in the past. ok. today's like seriously emo for me. during training i sucked. like totally sucked. after that i couldnt even run at all. like i had to get some extra recovery time before completeing the set. like what the hell has happened to me? this is not supposed to happen at all. why now? why me? my studies are goin down the drain and flushed into the sea. have not been studying a single thing at all. like i only havve the weekends after the camp to study. this is really not going to work out.

hmm. i meant to post this a long time ago, so here goes. my class totally rocks. just like cos im not one of the 'intellectual' few doesnt mean i do have brains, have a freaking iq of single digit, am stupid, no brains etc. like who the hell are you to say that? what freaking shit have i ever done to you? just cos i dont hand in homework sometimes doesnt mean im like a dumb ass or something. i have a sports cca for crying out loud. all you idiots have are what, mrc, smc, strat games etc. all you have to do is go for your once a week meetings where you sit around doing shit. you have like no fatigue etc. what freaking tiredness do you get from sitting around discussing stupid things that make you appear busy? when you people get back home, you are still awake and alert and can do your work. for us sports people, after trainings most of us are like totally tired-out. our eyes are like hardly open and we drag our feets when we walk. so what freaking right do you have to criticise us for being slackers. like at least we have a life. we exercise instead of people like you all who sit on your stupid asses and think about stupid things that make our ever so interesting life even more 'interesting'. like ok my ideas are not along the common lines, but that doesnt mean im wrong. can you freaking listen to what i have to say before condemning me and totally shut my idea off. like ehat the hell are you implying? im stupid? i am no good at all? heck if you are so good, why dont you score a freaking A for your paper? a bunch of jokers who freaking make my day bad. pissing me and others off and irritating and condemning others. a bunch of stupid nerds who sit around studying all day that have no life at all. its like they're on a different frequency altogether. i doubt its a matter of higher or lowere. its a different realm. they exist in their nerdified realm mingling with all the same kind happily chewing books for meals and building castles of books. for heavens sake there's something called the world and people who live in it. if you're just going to stick with your own kind then fine, so be it, but the next time you freaking people are going to piss me off, it would be 'i'll use my frustrations in training', it'll come right back at your faces. my team-mates are nice, and i dont want to take my frustrations out on them. how i freaking wished we could have a class just filled with the team. then i wouldnt have these kind of problems because they are not as fucked up as my 'wonderful' class.

2007-03-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

eros, philia, agape... which one are you.

hectic week with tons of homework. KI mainly. and to top it off, chem spa on sat. im sick though. flu cough n sore throat. like how am i goin to start training tmr? 5 day training camp. well i'll see how i goes. i should really get studying for terms. yupp i should!

study hard yarr.=) 12 more days till nxt fri! n short hair's nt a prob!

2007-03-05T18:04:00.000+08:00

the prize of completion is that of starting on another.
somethings in life are not learnt but given. i've learnt what i can from you. but you've given much more.

2 weeks to terms..4 weeks to A'div..
hmm.1st march was really nice. haha i talked quite alot huh. hahas. DreamGirls was really nice. all musical n emo-ey. and we talked abt random stuff which had no meaning at all whatsoever...hahas.thanks. i really enjoyed tt day!=) yupp..thn fri was Alevel chinese. and i got an E! to think i actually passed.hahas dunoe whether i should retake..

today was a total waste of my time in sch. i had to go to sch at e normal time jus for a stupid 40min maths period at the end of the day. i came to school for a 40min period only!!! rotted in the library most of the time though. and yes i really enjoyed walking and talking just now.though its jus for a short time.hahas.=)

(crap i still haven found a nickname for you yet...after like sososo long.-.- )

2007-02-27T20:43:00.000+08:00

To say it exist is wrong. To say it doesnt exist is also wrong. What else can we do but just avoiding the question. Therefore it neither exists nor doesnt exist.

ok. people that are goin to the hockey camp are pretty much confirmed. i just dont like the idea of kicking people out. its just not fair. i've experienced what it feels like, so i cna just imagine what they are feeling now. and thats why today was not a totally happy day for me, apart from the fact that it started raining early in the morning; gloomy and dark way to start the day. so sorry if i got abit cranky kie jess.=) yupp tmr's a short day but we have physical trainings as usual. camp briefing before that though. and oh. i seriously need to get some things donw up by this week. namely essays to write, things to study etc. hmm. must study hard and get into nus, like we planned so improtu-ly. hahas. i'll go into the army and spend the next 2 years together k. i'll get into piloting and you'll get into law. wahahahahaha big ambitions huh. but nvm....work hard k selow girl!

2007-02-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

rar......
lifes so boring and busy at the same time. homework tuitorials etc etc. like terms just round the corner. so many stuffs happening and there are no holidays. like holy crap.

minds once broadened cannot retain their original confines.

2007-02-17T16:23:00.000+08:00

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance

What would you think of me now
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live

May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

2007-02-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

through perception we know truth.
through troubles we know peace.
through life we know the reason to live,
to ask the question as to why we exist.

ghost rider rocks big time.nicce high energy movie.no storyline though.=)
i have gotta find new motivations to train again. i cant lose it. i cant. just cant.
simple words have the most impact. nothing more i can say.

i will always be...
means the world to me...

2007-02-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

ok this blog is like rotting away. like so many occasions hav jus gone by so fast. lifes all the same with a few exceptions thats all. =) yupp..

All i know is that i know nothing else.
The found wants to look.
The looking wants to be found.

2007-02-02T20:59:00.000+08:00

Barbara
Cesare
Darapti
Bramantip
Celarent
Camestres
Disamis
Camenes
Darii
Festino
Datisi
Ferio
Baroco
Felapton
Fesapo
Bocardo
Fresison
Ferison

and they actually mean something. coded...

i just wanted to say thanks to all who gave me smth be it physical pain/torture or presents. thanks =) especially to Jess for e 2 things n e booklet huh. hahas dun worry it fits. ok...im out ta buy food n alcohol! ha.wasting no time i see. hahas

2007-01-30T21:29:00.000+08:00

It all begins with a single minute thought slipping into the unsuspecting mind.

2007-01-28T20:25:00.001+08:00

The insecurities of yesterday cloud the view of tomorrow into a blinded perception. Escapeism is no longer a myth. Words said and things done have far greater impact than once thought. A clean sheet of darkness purifies the once white cloud. Thunderstorms arise.

2007-01-28T20:25:00.000+08:00

2007-01-27T13:55:00.000+08:00

Call me out.
You stayed inside.
One you love.
Is where you hide.
Shot me down as I flew by.
Crash and burn.
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is.
Answer no to these questions.
Let her go, learn a lesson.
It's not me, you're not listening now.
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is.
Take you away from that empty apartment.
You stay and forget where the heart is.
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay.
Waking up from this nightmare.
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
Take you away from that empty apartment.
You stay and forget where the heart is.
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay.
It's okay to be angry and never let go.
It only gets harder the more that you know.
When you get lonely if no one's around.
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down.
We came together but you left alone.
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own.
Maybe someday I will see you again.
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend.
Take you away from that empty apartment.
You stay and forget where the heart is.
Someday if ever you love me you'd say its okay.
And how broken my heart is.

2007-01-21T23:36:00.000+08:00

i need ta find new motivation to train. i am really starting to get pissed at things and losing my focus. stop fucking looking down on us/me and start taking up your role as a coach.

2007-01-20T00:54:00.000+08:00

weekends here. which means more homework and alil more rest. been sick for most of the time this week. hopefully i can get better tmr. yupp shall wait and hope and see.

KI proposal is killing me. so many things to do yet so little time. its like doing an op and pi at the same time by the end of this month. i hope i can get a good one done so that it doesnt get rejected by the cambridge uncles.

been nodding my heads during lectures. sleeping la. see even in my sleep i agree with what the teacher says. critically damped oscillation. =) im improving on phyics. i think. hahas.

hmm.....is paddington bear really cuter than pooh bear...hmm..*wonders*
hahas..

A New Begining...
Open to interpretation..

2007-01-18T21:58:00.000+08:00

of all of the doubt that fills your mind,
life goes on,
and what else but to take it head on,
for past experiences does not decide our future,
we decide our future,
we make the decisions.
we have the power whether to allow past happenings to affect our future.
of all the things that have happened,
it was for a reason,
for good or for bad,
its up to us to take.

rain rain rain rain...trainings in the rain -.- im having flu now. sneeze n sneeze n sneeze. my nose is totally painful. i feel my mind's getting clearer and everyday doesnt seem as dark as before. (though its raining) well for one i have friends ard me...andd. maybe i've actually learnt something from it. hmm. decidings for the future. for now its the IS proposal. im actually questioning my own proposal....does power really control knowledge? if so, how am i to restirct it in such a way that includes what i want to say as well as not to be too Ambitious ...structuring i guess. argh....work's killing me... one step at a time x3 ....

keep smiling..hahas!

2007-01-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

Like the sun misses the flower in the winter,
your absence is like a needle through my heart.

cold nice rainy day. please continue =)

rar.completed maths tutorial 21 pls physics prac plus IS. hahas fruitfl weekend considering i burnt my sat completely with the hockey match. yupp keep it up =)

2007-01-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

aye..its raining again tonight. and i love it. so cold n nice =)

rain please stay till mon when i have mass pe please.

new motivations to train. for myself, for my friends, for the team, for ac. its like i've got a new burst of energy and mental strength to endure the trainings. hop on.

and thanks jess for cheering me up=) feel honoured k!!!!!!!

2007-01-13T00:21:00.000+08:00

its been raining for the second night now! please let this nice wet cold weather continue till monday where i'd miss mass pe but stop just after mass pe so i can go for training. thanks! =)

hahas what a joke.

tmr match against SRC (whatever that stands for) good luck and we WILL win =) i hope. haha

oh rain wont you stay and make my day.
heyy i rhymes.

KI IS proposal deadline's coming up. actually its just sad that i have to hand it in on my birthday! like of all days! hmm, perhaps it'd help me remember. argh. work n trainings are getting too much to take. please make the day longer.....

pointless aspirations
hopeless wants
meaningless doings

"waiting for you is like waiting for rain in the drought,
it never comes"

2007-01-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

TRAINING WAS FREAKING TIRING! i am like jus sitting ard on the chair refusing to move n do anything. it was like everyone was scolding n shouting 'fuck' 'pain la' 'ganesh down arr down' & many more when we were doin the multiple set thingy and we had to do like 30 push-ups 40 situps and the leg-raisers la where our leg is 45degrees for 2 sets la. and like we were all screaming out freaking lungs out cos it was so freaking painful for my legs! before we did that we ran the usual 400s and the half-squat n raising the hockey stick thing. my legs are killing me. and the tension was seriously damn high. everyone was pissed with some stuff and i guess we jus exploded la. all like shouting/disagreeing/scolding alot alot of bad words out loud la. in a way everthing that happened today was kinda an explosion of all the feelings that were bottled up for so long. our late-comings, unseriousness, excuses and taking the team as shit etc jus really kept the flame going. hopefully we'd all work as a team n stuff nw. isnt it all abt responsibility? i do admit that it was really tiring and frustrating and at that moment i wanted to shout n jus speak my mind, but being me i kept silent as everyone shouted/scolded bad words and stuff. seriously we deserve a wake up call i guess. a pity it had to come now though, when everyone jus had a bad day and we jus have to make it worse at training. Tired Tired TIRED! and tmr got training oso. sigh!

on a happoer note, my school life's really fcuked up. homework one after another. hence with trainings and everything, i have absolutely no time for homework or to study for tests. and phy test just went by, mahts test is coming up, tons of tutorials to be done, I.S. proposal due....argh!!!!! so many things. oh please make the day longer? PLEASE! ha.

though my thoughts are aplenty,
so are my words.
why cant i seem to open my mouth?
why cant i seem to say what i want?
you slip right through my fingers,
why do i blame myself?
should i just release the trail you've left behind,
retrace my steps and walk back?
because carrying on just puts a cut on a wound.
i see what i dont want.
just close my eyes,
because every moment i open them i see you.
i see what you do and i curse myself.
why did i have to open my eyes?
can i really find the piece of me that wants to talk to you?
or let the anger sit right on top of it.
because im too angry to say anything i let it go.
get out of my life.
get out of my mind.
can you just stop being so beautiful in my eyes.
just stop everything you're doing,
and see who i am.
im not what you think i am.
i am un-important to you.
why then are you so important to me?

2007-01-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

hybrid imperfections clouding an imperfect mind.

without saying a word you have entered my mind and made a mess of it.
Just walk away....just walk away.

2007-01-02T02:46:00.000+08:00

A new years here again. like *blink* and a whole new years starting again. it kinda feels like i jus completed my Olevels. well, you know wha they say, that time seems fast when you're enjoying it. dont really know what i enjoyed, but heyy the evidence's there for me to see. school, homework, rushing, mugging and all seems so much a part of life that it knda makes me wonder what'll happen when we all start workin. no like school holidays and stuff. hahas! now i kknow why adults look so forward to the weekends and why they spend it sleeping it away too!

big year ahead with the As comin smach right at your face. so much to do with so little time to do em too! but heyy, life goes on nonetheless. i just hope that i wun get like damn 3+ hr breaks everyweek. its like so damn boring. schools gonna be fun, schools gonna be fun....heck, who the hell am i kiddin. hahas schools never fun. esp with the class im in with the people that i totally have no connection with. and one more thing! hopefuly i wun get bee hoon! pls change phy teachers pls pls pls pls =/

i'd guess i've been blessed tons this year which are too many to actually count em. like china (without the sch i'd dun think that i'll ever visit that country) and getting to meet tonsa nice and fun ppl there too. besides the fact that i've really gotten alot of the stuff that i wanted. new com, hp, laptop, bag, shoe, and many more just for starters. thank God for all that He's given and done for me, through me and by me. aww...everyones getting in the mood of new year resolutions now but i kinda figured, since u're never gonna keep em, why make it in the first place. another year older i guess, 1 more mth to be 18! hmm =)

2006-12-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

dark and cool christmas. kinda reflects this year's mood in a way i guess.

this year i completely avoded town. no point i guess. every years the same. lights sounds people CROWDS. very very crowded. hahas. tomorrow night sounds good... i dont know why but its like the atmosphere is all set out for a jazz christmas. cool air, dim lights, slow moving pace. its like time stopped or rather slowed down just for this day. so heyy take time and enjoy this season that comes only once a year. its the season of giving. but not forgetting the real reason we're celebrating. the birth of our Lord. gifts and wishings aside. its kinda scary that another year has gone by while i idle away time. its like not before long before i'll grow up, work and all. coming to appreciate the people around me, the happiness, hurts, smiles, frowns and all that comes with all these, each one is special and i guess that all we can do is look beyond their faults and extend our hands. if everyone keeps taking, whos to give in the end?

merry happy, cool and jazzy christmas

2006-12-17T01:25:00.000+08:00

everything that i'm not..

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

from Edwin McCain's song i'll be.

i dont know whats come over me. maybe its normal for me to react that way. considering what has happened. but either way i really want to get this over and done with. i'm really sick to the core with whats happening and becoming of it. argh. maybe dreams are not such a bad place after all. its free......free of you in it......

when will i have the courage to confront you and scold my heart out about how you are treating me? the invisiblity i am to you.

2006-12-15T23:21:00.000+08:00

i missed training =(
just cos i woke up too late. trainings at 8.30. but i woke up at 3. i like went way way past it. ok. late nights has gotta stop. before it becomes a habit. or has it already become one? hopefully not.

how it dawns upon me that dreams really never come true. its a sad reality. ya but heyy, they're free anyway so continue dreaming, like i always say. philosophical mambo-jumbo aside. what are we seriously living for? weird stuff to come outta me but ya. what the heck are we on this planet for? purpose? hahas. its just the year end reflectory mood getting the better of me now. i guess we never appreciate or notice the people around us till they're gone. its like only then that we realise how important they are to us. so technically goodbyes arent such a bad thing after all. goodbyes do bring an expectation of meeting again i guess. ha.

rotting at home daily. eat sleep computer eat sleep repeat. its making my mind go mouldy. hmm. maybe i should really consider going out. meet up with people and stuff. nah too lazy. is it better to be too busy that people hafta take queue number just to meet up with you, or you are so free that anytimes ok for others to meet you and you can do whatever you want? each his own view i guess. i prefer in between, sometimes abit of both. but most importantly time for a certain someone. me. hahas. not sounding or being self-centered or anything, sometimes i really need time to myself and i believe everyone does. so heyy. this holiday is mine! it belongs solely to jason yeo w&% Li*& ya. erm. chinese names too erm. nvm..

2006-12-12T02:50:00.000+08:00

like its almost mid december and i haven started any thing yet. not forgetting i have to read up tons for the IS next year. oh my. yea but nonetheless i shall not skip training although it is getting rather INSANE! 400s in under 1min30secs. then rest for like the same amount of time after which we go ruunning again. multiply that by 10 times and then add a mini-match after all that. there you have it. complete physical and mental exhaustion. i rather have gym trainings where we sleep away on the bench press machine making it appear we are doing something. ha! after every training i am like totally aching everywhere. especially my legs. not good not good at all.

hmm. christmas is coming around. wonder what will turn up this year. what present/suprise/shock will life throw at me? its so easy to advice others yet you actually need it yourself. i guess you'll just have to hear it from others to really get it into your head. i prefer the life whereby we all just sit around happily wthout a care by the beach or whaever place we so choose. but hey, if life's that mundane, wheres the excitement and all? so i guess life has to have ups and downs. ok that was really really random.

ok. everyone's getting like all philoophical and stuff. is it just because its christmas? or did something happen to the air we breathe? either way i guess its just happening huh. the end of the year reflection and emotional unstableness due to the sudden realisation that we are coming to the end of another year very fast i might add. yea. time's accelerating. every year seems to be coming and going faster and faster. is it a growing up thing, that you realise this or is it some kind of maturity observation which individuals make to assertain that you are indeed matureed? hmm either way, i wish time would go faster i guess. reach terminal velocity ok. =)

2006-12-10T01:40:00.000+08:00

anihc.yea.beijing to be more exact.
but i kinda lost the photos i took the first few days.but nonetheless..

we met at 6 something at the airport terminal 2. i happily arrived at like 530 la.dunoe why oso.so me n my mom went to starbucks to drink coffee. since the airport is like so dead n cold. so aft waiting we found miss lim n e rest of the ppl. and i only knew like 2 ppl. plus a few that i gotta know b4 the trip. so we checked in and went into the departure hall. bought a bloody thermometer for like 8 bucks la.how freaking ex can they get! nonetheless bought it and went to the gate. thn i found out we were taking a ok plane. 777 i guess. but frm the outside it really looked like an airbus.hehes yea. so bloody disappointed i couldnt take a 747 la.

now thats the kinda plane i wanted!.hahas

nice view huh..hahas

when we arrived it was like erm.late alrdy. dinner time! hehes. but dinner on the first day was erm a real disaster. worms n spicy food that burnt.lol. thn aft that we went to the hotel that we were staying in la. -holiday inn chang jiang west- i tink. its either west or east la. checked in and went to our rooms. and my room is like at the furtherest corner! like so far n secluded la. well..pretty much slept the night away though.

the next day..sun..we went to the imperial palace la.it was like so damn super huge. got so many layers of walls la. if i was the enemy arr..hahas! wouldnt even bother man. u like chiong all ur troops jus to get past the walls. jus to go up against another one la. i will be like -.-" wad the hell la. by the time i get to the emperor arr. only left me one person!.hahas.e troops all die-ed alrdy.=)

the front view.

the map..

and they had like these steady greeny soldiers that we see like practically everywhr la.like some imperial super high powerful guards la.
there..hahas

so high la..like for the world to see..lol.

and and the place is like so big n huge la. its like ahuge flat concrete ground la..if i stand at one end. u probaly cant see me frm the other.like super huge la!!.hahas

okie..im jus like doin this all messed up la..nt according to any order k..

this is like the longest corridor la.i walk until i abit kuku-ed l o.0 see stars la..hahas

the stone boat..its like a statement to the ppl la. cos theres a saying that dunoe wad the people supports the government and i dunoe how it links to boats la. ohoh..its like the ppl hav the power to sink the boat or to support it..i.e. the ppl are the water. and the government the boat. so to make a statement..a stone boat is built that wun sink la..hahas. so erm..wad la. yea.

the three of us.

thn on mon we went to beijing first october sch..hahs.their sch is like so super super big la. with all the pri sec n jc into one place. like 5000 over ppl la. but they're so nice. i like my cls teacher the best la!. shes like so nice etc etc etc.hahas

see.their field n stadium.lol

and thn right.they hav this zao chao..that is so super funny n nice to watch la. the ppl all look like cartoon like when they're doin it.lol. and of course we participated oso la. but we didnt know how to do.so struggling there la. and the last song is like.-.- la. hahas. jia you jia you jia you.jia you jing li er wei.!! hahas.song ehs.thn got one part like everyone will jus make the sound together la..like toot toot toot..those kinda sounds..

like soldiers huh.

see..thn one day when we went to sch..it was like so misty la!.so nice. cant see a thing.lol

they also played tug-of-war la!.hahas. like when they hav mass breaks or what.each cls will go against another la.so cool. thn all the shouting etc.

hahas.and the sch had this very secretive room..there see..the pic below.hahas.hmm..i wonder...lol

thats my buddy n his friends that i spend 7 days with.lol

they also gave a very nice erm. get together la.where we performed and they perrformed oso la.nice...but abit messy i tink.cos the rooms small and the stuff nt really organised cos we only had like 3 or 4 days to plan it..yea

here are guys (with the exception of 1 who is nt in the pic cos of certain reasons) with miss lim swee chay.who is like so nice that i wun mind retakin chinese if shes my chinese teacher nxt yr..hahas

all the guys again.hahas.again with the exception of one individual.hahas.

and our erm.sch handler there.he kinda shows us ard n sutff.yea

and our group photo in front of the weird structure in the sch..

i guess it was quite an experience of havin to listen to all the subject (chem phy maths etc) in chinese.but heyy. i've learnt afew stuff. hahas. and i really really hope that my buddys n i can keep in contact cos like they're really nice ppl and stuff. i really wished i had more days in the sch. playing soccer and basketball with them. learning wushu in the cold where my fingers were practically freezing. watchin them go abt doin what they do. i will..no..am missing that now. the teachers are also like so friendly to them n stuff. well i guess they do respond well n fast to the questions they ask too. and my buddy..me like had a bag full of chips n stuff. to eat in cls. when the teacher was teaching.he like jus took out n eat. aft that went to slp. then can still respond n giv a good answer when the teacher called him la. i was like..woooahhh!! pro man..yea.how i wish that moment in time can last longer...nah..impossible.hahas

and not forgetting.we ate peking duck which like totally melted in my mouth la.so nice i wanna ship a whole truck home to singapore..but cant.=(

ohoh..we also took their trains too..hahas. like use ticket one. thn the lady will tear n let u in that kind.hahas.super slow and funny.....

but their trains are like so jam packed la.hahas.almost couldnt breathe la.lol. but nice la.similar to singapore's..

thhn after that we walked back frm the station to the hotel..where i passed by this like so nice environment that i had to take a pic of it..see

promise..i din edit anything..its like this orange n stuff la..hahas

oh.we also visited tons of places that i am too lazy to name. like the silk street.the 'orchard road' of china and the biggest book stall etc etc.

im like eating icce cream in that kinda weather la..hahas

indian me..lol.

my new yr toys!!

spooky huh

hey look..the stuff's stickin outta nowhere!..

nah..we also went to the big big concrete place i mentioned..at night.hahas.so cool n sparkly la.hahas

nice kites..talk abt flyin kites..lol

who can forget chinese opera when u visit china.hahas.watched one at the dunoe wad..which is damn long. and another at lao she cha guan.

the two pics of the gguy hanging the pot on his head is at the less boring place. lao she cha guan.=)

we also went to this bridge where the japs first entered china..ru gou qiao..i tink

grp photo there..

olden concept of protection..cannons that can aim properly..hahas

and we went to this ex-ac teacher's house to make dumplings too!.

and it was also whr i found this cute ac bear..hahas..had loads of fun with it.

cute bear..=)

this is the guy takin us ard n talkin abt stuff la.hahas.me tour guide.
and his jokes are like...wa....'funny'.and he sings too.hahas.but fun nonetheless.

the next few are taken at the great wall..its like so nice la.and cold cos we're so high up..hahas.and like when u stick ur head outta the holes in the walls n feel the wind..its like totally askin to get frozen la.but very very super ultra nice n fun..

hahas..

sleepin..who doesnt la..its such a long bus ride.=)

the bus we took for like 13 days..lol

and the cars are left hand drive.so meaning that there are lotsa cool cool cars there that are not available here in singapore!.hehes

scenery by the road..lol

our hotel lobby..hahas

and i found this really contridicting thing..take a closer look....
its like they're smokin in front of a no smokin sign. hahas!!

who can forget this stuff man..hahas

scribblings in my notebook when mr sim was talkin durin the last few nights.hahas.i wasnt paying attention la!.lol

and we took a trishaw ride down an old street where ppl still lived la. its like so fun n exciting though it was the last day. the ride was nice and the scenery amazing..lol.

finally it was leaving day..

at thy airport in china where the toilets are hard to find!.hehs

the plane..nt a 747 again!!=(

no phones on the plane..but..hahas.oops. nice interior la.very neat n tucked away once its closed.hahas. im impressed by boeing.lol.the others are like somthing hanging outta the ceiling. (hanging gardens).now its like the ceiling is almost a smooth semi-circle.hahas

aft that was like back in singapore.happy n sad at the same time.lol. glad to be back. sad to leave. yea. pretty much that kinda feeling. i guess im really missing beijing now. now that i've looked at the pictures..the thoughts are starting to hit me one by one. but heyy. life goes on. and i've made some new friends too. these memories will be loccked somewhr in my brain and when i grow old..i'd probaly nt remember hahas!..but in my heart n brain theres always a part of me that belongs to this trip n all the ppl in it. i may not remember everything but i know they're stored in my brain. yea. that aside. i guess this tripp was nt as bad as i picture it to be at first. with me nt knowing anyone and china for heavens sake. CHINA..like i dun even like chinese or speak properly and always nvr fail to make fun off china citizens of how loud they speak and their accent. hahas. but i guess i'd be a little bit more understandin nw.its cos everythings big there.if u dun shout. no on will hear u. so yea.learnt alot frm this trip and i really really appreciate the teachers n sch-mates(except afew though hahs) in this trip. spendin 13 days with these ppls company is really fun n excitin with the erm..mhud stuff n lame jokes that are termed now.'my'-jokes.yea. see..i can appreciate china n still learnt chem n maths stuff even though they're in chinese. i miss my buddy n gang =(

ps: i guess alcohols made me really moody n tink abt loads stupid n sad stuff..so i here-by officially appologise to whomever i offended and made angry/pissed/irritated/frustrated/and many more. hahas.well .......i guess life goes on huh........nah!!!..hahs. =) thanks guys

2006-12-02T16:18:00.000+08:00

i'll blog abt china another time.ha!.
nah. my mp3's spoiling. should i get an ipod or creative one? dunoe. anyway tons of stuff to occupy my holiday. why is time always not enough? gotta get some stuff too. noe wad. i was like so shocked that church actually booked 3 engwah theaters as overflow rooms for 1st service. cos apparantly our overflow rooms are overflowing. hahas. there you have it. the whole of entertainment atrium occupied by newcreation church! ha..soon it'll be the whole suntec. nah.hopefully not. lidat thn there wun be nice exhibitions there anymore. dinner now! yum yum..SINGAPORE FOOD and no more sweet n sour pork and funny/spicy dishes for meals!..=)

2006-11-21T21:35:00.000+08:00

i am like paying 2 singapore dollars to type this

2006-11-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

one evening while walking to training..
friend : heyy. do something for me k?
me : yea sure
friend : put your hand on ur mouth.
*me put hand on mouth*
friend : the other one la
*me put left hand on mouth*
friend : now you look like a fool!
me : huh?
friend : nvm.slow
*me walks away totally confused and wondering*

and to all the people waiting for the photos...i will like upload it once i find an internet connection there k!

i cant believe the things im missing to go ta that country!.
-hockey d-masters
-united concert in the rock
-many many trainings
-even more opportunities to touch n play with my hockey stick =)
-my team-mates (adam road food gang)
-my friends
-my nice and comfortable bed.
-a nice suitable always-on stable internet connection.
(my laptops goin with me u see)
-the things i do in singapore

2006-11-06T00:20:00.000+08:00

maybe its the 7 bottles of barcardi kicking in..
but im really starting to question everything. what meaning has it all if i am deemed to continue on like this. what more can i say or do to make you realise and understand that it is all fucked up.

alcohol and fast fast deafening music fills my head now.

2006-11-05T00:57:00.000+08:00

a night filled with burning mess

a day crammed with a total mask

time ticks by

slowly you're getting further

is it a good thing?

is it bad?

why can't i seem to sort out my mind?

has my life lost all purpose?

am i condemned to walk the same path over and over again

with feet stained with blood

night falls

i cower back into my space

and hope that tomorrow i'd have the courage

to face everyone

to put on a smile

when nothings alright

when will my night come?

when i can really do what i want

has this feeling become a part of me?

has faking it all been a mask i put on?

i know what i feel inside

a mesh of emotions and hurts tangled up

can i really dig up a smile?

nope.

guess not.

back to another day of faking all.

2006-11-03T23:54:00.000+08:00

stop asking me to cheer up because i wont. and i cant. simple fact.
why am i still not ignoring you? after how important you've shown me that i am?
a cut that bears an emblem of you exists. taking pleasure in pain.

2006-11-03T00:34:00.000+08:00

thing is i kind of realised that every years ends very sadly/depressingly/unhappily for me. i dont know. has it somehow become a habit or curse that i cannot escape from? maybe its me thats causing it that i just have to make my life as miserable as it can possibly get. my christmas gift from life is a big sad face. thanks.

life can get as unpredictable as any other thing. one moment you're this. another you're that. you fall for the person you least expected and ask yourself why. a person that totally falls way way below your expectations and you question why you have such feelings for them. every thing they do and say mean so much to you that its irritating and burns right through your skin. it cant be happening. it cannot. why should one person have such an impact on another. its just not fair at all.

to you i am but one person. but unaware of how important you are to me. it really starts to burn me. i dont know what to do. time will tell everything. if its meant to be it is. a scar left too deep that i will never heal. time does not heal everything. it only makes it less painful thats all. the real thing that heals all is ironically death. seriously death is not such a bad thing. dying may really solve everything. if lifes really that meaningless and miserable. i guess death seems to be a brighter road.

know what. man as in males have such humongous egos that they cling on to so tightly. it is so irritating yet they just dont realise it. their ego not to appoligise and stuff. when its clearly their fault yet they still stubbonly claim they're right. its like, lower your bloody ego and look at it. then make up your mind. they like say they want perfection. yet they spell perfection wrongly. what a contridictory statement. what a joke. males should really get rid of their bloody ego before it costs them their lives one day.

now i know how important i am to you. i am really tired. i dont know why. i dont know how and i dont care. you'd rather approach him than me. am i really that repulsive? do i seriously have that aura that shuts your bloody mouth and repels you, or everyone for that matter. 'nah, its a joke..its just...' thats what i always hear. just accept it and tell me that i do ok? i admit i do. if it makes everyone feel better. whatever emotion i have other than normal makes me shut up completely and i just walk away. i have an attitude problem. what the heck can anyone possibly do to change me? kill me? ya. i hope so too. the courage to die plus the longing to die makes the perfect combination for death. so thanks for putting me at the tail-end position and making me feel so bloody 'important'. i cant seem to really smile anymore. a movement of the mouth is all i have. no smile. a life is precious. my answer, is that its only precious when someone treasures it, which is most of the time the individual itself. when no one treasures it, its useless. what else is there a need for it then? hence death is a better option. egotistical but logical. self love is the most important key in life. when the key is lost, nothing else matters.

i'm sorry i cant be perfect. but perfection is unattainable. is that your so called maturity? mature to think whats right or wrong? its all relative. when one lacks a purpose, life becomes unclear. when life becomes unclear, everyday repeats it self. one day will be no different from the other. perhaps its ok to one, but its not to me. probaly thats why i see no purpose to life as it is. maybe its the stupidness kicking in, but i find excitement only in adrenaline and alcohol. it kind of perks me up. when i push myself to the limit, then i'd feel the danger and thrill. thats when adrenaline comes in and it sorta takes my mind off everything. maybe i just need to numb my mind. but isnt everyone just doing that. numbing their minds so that they can face life? see the people at work day in day out. they're bunch of robots whose minds are already numb. arent we just seeking to numb our minds? well, most are.

how much i want to get you out of me, how much i want to purge you, i cannot even begin to express. ironc as it may be, i am really sick of the way you treat me, as a second class. you choose him over me so easily and freely that it disgusts me why i even bother to try at all. i hate prejudices and i hate you for practicing it. what have i done for you to treat me as such? i have feelings and am not as easy-going cheerful as i appear. doesnt mean i dont say anything, i dont mind it at all. doesnt mean i smile, i am happy. i keep quiet doesnt mean that im dumb and i dont think. i have had it with people assuming that i am. hence i shall treat people as they treat me. with prejudices and biasedness and unfairly. sorry but there are always collateral damage and people that have done nothing get some damage. i am most of the time a victim and now, who cares, its time i made up for the time i wasted trying to be so perfect. has a smile entailed that i dont care how others treat me? i am not that casual that you can treat me in whatever way you deem fit. its a mistake on my part to decided to put on a smile, joke around and be so cheerful all the time. there needs to be seriousness at times, now, its going to be most of the time. suprisingly, being quiet, i can observe more and think more clearly. i see things that i did not before. then people that really are worth your time appears and those that are not, can be dumped into the bin.

coolness beyond words.
what do i mean to you i am finally starting to know, all these time i thought i knew. you will start to drop from now on. slowly but surely, you will get out of my mind. death seems a brighter road.

2006-10-30T16:08:00.000+08:00

quick post before i leave for training.
bee hoon sucks. i went back to school and i accidentially met her. so being polite i said hi madam. and guess what. she POLITELY said "next year drop physics ar" then i am like what the fuck/hell/heck is wrong with you. bee hoon sucks la. hope that i wun get her next year!

2006-10-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

i now declare that i love ben n jerry's. because not only did it cure my super irritating cough. but its nice too. the fudge pratically melts in your mouth. and best things of all is one spoon is definitely not enough. i think i'll probaly eat till i drop if i can afford it. hmm, so is it a bad thing or a good thing? well, either way its undeniable that ben n jerry's the best, for now though.

so. havin op practice like mad now. its like 3 times we presented already. and we're going to have another one tomorrow. lke how many times do we have to practice? argh. its like mad la. nd i need to start studying for chinese. ha! i have to get it over and done with.

today went to church as usual. listened ate lunch at the kopitiam at the basement. after that went to ben n jerry's at suntec to eat ice-cream. what else. that was still not enough. went over to carefore to get 4 tubs of ben n jerry's ice-cream. 2 of the same flavour. the new one thats called Fossil Fuel. with chocolate bits, fudge, abit of chocolate cake. its like the ultimate. and i finished a tub within a day! like woooah. so fast. who ask it to be so bloody addictive. yea.

now i have to memorise the script all over again. nvm. i'll treat myself to another tub of ice-cream in the process.ha!

2006-10-28T14:53:00.000+08:00

maybe i pretended too much that i've covered myself up. too late to recover all that. but looking forward, truth be told. no more pretending to be happy. when i'm sad i'm sad. dark days seem to have no end. the sun seems indifferent. and everyday is just the same. intrinsic in life and love is sadness. everything bad is attracted to one another. one heralds the arrival of another. stopping at nothing it grips you till you're out of breath. go ahead! suffocate me. see if i'd care.

10% luck
20% skill
15% concentrated power of will
5% pleasure
50% pain
100% reason to remember the name.

copyright@DarkAngel Inc.

2006-10-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

why do i get the feeling i am nobody to you?
am i that unimportant?
a face in the crowd that you'd look right past me?
i try..but it seems that you dont notice.
am i supposed to carry this on?
do i really have an aura that repels talking.
and renders people silent and dumb?
why is it you feel uptight and un-natural?
all i am asking for is that you be yourself.
is that really that hard?
is that really too much to ask for?
i dunoe..
i dunoe anything

2006-10-25T00:45:00.000+08:00

i dunoe....i dunoe anything...if only u'd noe my dilema...
i find it so hard to talk to u..have i developed a pheobia for u?..
argh!. forget it...its useless.

2006-10-25T00:40:00.000+08:00

fear not my child
the rains have all gone
the storms have ceased
its a bright and clear day
the time of singing has come
the voice of the dove is heard
come away my beloved
come with me

come away my child
let me dry away your tears
i am your saviour
see my hands my feet my side
i have loved you my child

nice song yea?

2006-10-23T23:53:00.000+08:00

tell me her name i need to know
i need to see her face
i need to UNDERSTAND
i let you go, i let you fly.
but why do i keep asking WHY

2006-10-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

i love....
paradoxical. yes.
had quite a nice day. church was nice. and the church's new album is excellent. encouraged me tons.=)
thn there was someone.wahahahahahahahaha..
tian chang di jiu..woooahh!
sky long land long..hahas

all in all todays nice. rah.they skys gone a little bluer..

2006-10-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

Living each day a it is
Is it realy such a pain?
Such a pain to be without anything.
Without anything to hold on to you.
On to when you're with open arms.
Open arms waiting.
when will the waiting eve stop?
when will i ever stop?
Stop pretending everything's alright.
Because pretendings only gonna push it further away.
solving the problem now.
Turning it the right may take forever.
A forever i don't have.

through the evening sky darkness reigns.
one torch shining through the dark misty night.
pathway lined with open traps.
how do i get across?
one way! death.
is death really better than life at all.
release me from what i feel.
get these thoughts outta my head!

2006-10-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

a smile in the background brings about untold mysteries and sorrow.
a silent moon hangs in the night sky.
alone it hangs quietly. waiting for the stars to appear.
stars that will join in the silence or possible make the sky brighter.
jus like the moon, i am but a reflector. a reflection of the sun.
where are my stars?

day was crapped. totally tired. slp through the whole day. anyway teachers knew we were nt interested in lessons. so they jus crapped n slacked. aft sch. collected our results. well. i failed phy. outta 100. my first digit is 2. yup. a 2-header. so thats how bad i did for phy. other subjects..well..i passed. spent time with some hockers discussing whether we'll get promoted nt etc. aft that walked with them to mrt station. nice n fun bunch of ppl la. why cant they be in my class, or rather, why cant i be in their class? i am in a place i dun belong. a class that i dun get along well with. we are ar different wavelengths! change the fuckin frequency dude. yes. nth matters anymore. im stuck in that place..with only a few ppl that i tink i can get along with. but nt really prefer to mix with, but rather forced to. they're the nt so bad kind. argh! my class.......i cant express how much i want to leave my class n join omar n gang!.

2006-10-20T03:13:00.000+08:00

well.a new beginin i guess. my whole freaking bosy's achin all over. n i am not gettin any slp. cos well obviously im here bloggin. im getting my results in abt 11 hrs time. so good luck to me. hopefully i am able to be promoted.

today's trainin was mad. cos of the haze we had gym trainin. carried weights. did machines n ran on the threadmill like a stupid hamster. now i wanna jus cut ecery piece of meat off me. its so achin to the bone. thn as we walked to the mrt station. crapped loads abt muhds and their actions. abit racist no doubt but who cares. thn talked abt how we dun click with our classes etc. and how dull they are la. anyway i guess i like my hockey team. or rather the ones i hang out with more.

i find sch nt desiring at all. theres no wanting to go sch. cos i know was in for me. i am like: 'fuck.another day with ppl who hav totally no life. all they see are books' NOT FUN N EXCITIN at all. ac's nice. but i guess im in the wrong class. seriously i dun belong there. its nt their fault la. its jus that some people jus cannot go together. the jokes i tell. they giv me that totally f'ed up look. like when they say dunoe wad their mom fetches them home everyday.i say smth like i go home in a merce.sometimes volvo. got chauffer.sometimes double decker. thn they jus stare at me. is that joke realy so hard to understand? argh.i dunoe how am i supposed to carry onto the nxt yr. and i hope my timetable nxt yr allows me to interact more with the SBs n ppl i can click with. theres like so much i wanna say abt how unbearable my class is. thats why i'd rather hang out with my secondary sch friends n my hockey goons. at least we are on the same frequency.

a new life begins. another ends. for every life that is taken away. one more is created.

i may not show it. i may not look like it. but seriously im hurting inside. a smile is all but an apparel, how can i show what i really feel. when theres no one that can understand me. i'd jus hav to think it through myself. sometimes jus silently walking with someone is better than having to sit through all this pain. i guess thats the disadvantage of not showin what i feel. others wuldnt know i am sad/happy/etc. i guess im someone who greatly appreciates silence. weird. but silence is a good thing.

no more to comment. wads said is said. its wad u've not done. i shouldnt be too nice most of the time. ok.shall change.

2006-10-18T23:38:00.000+08:00

went to celebrare nich's burfday today.nth to say except fun! cakes flew everywhr n aft that went to below his house and. er. all i can is that his underwear tore.lol. yup. usual day in sch. extremely tired. mayb its the exhaustion settin in. or mayb cos im surviving on 1 meal per day. either way its not good.

pw..argh! im spending more time with the SBs than my cls. what is happening? do i really dislike my cls that much? we cant click.thats all. they're too serious. relax man. chill. life's gotta relax. have some fun. have some suprises. then only life will be interesting.

i am so bloody curious who u were waiting for. or what u were doin. but i jus didnt wanna noe at all. i wanna giv up. so im gracefully stepping down. i give up. to u be what u want. i'll jus resign to being a face in the crowd. continue looking right past me.

2006-10-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

what we know as normal situations and actions can have grave adverse effects on others.

well..its the same everyday in sch. lessons and more anticipiation of our results. its kinda stupid. like why cant they jus giv us the paper back. why must we wait till friday? it is so totally stupid and totally irritating. besides that. i wish i was in kenneth's class la. with jotham david muzz and gang, we like get along so well la. my class is like so dull. study study quiet home score listen study mug. argh. no fun. why cant i remain in the SBs. they're like so fun la. with hiqal mizial omar wanni they all. SAs are so nerdified la. totally no life at all. argh.this sucks.

i dont know what to do or say. everyday i look at u and i just keep silent. i dont know how to react. i really guess im jus to tired n sick n fadup with how u treat me. how 'highly' u put me. how u jus stop talkin when im around. forget it. i've tried to hard and i should stop. mayb im wrong abt all this. but that mayb's too small. i am forever to u, just a face in the crowd. u look right past me and u see what u wan to see. jus cos i smile. doesnt mean i dont see. it doesnt mean i am not hurting at all.